You Are Not In Debt To Anyone Due To Your Mental Illness – Let’s Stop Making People Make Us Think Otherwise

My friend, I have something very important to tell to you.

You are NOT in debt.

Financially? Yeah, maybe. Aren’t we all. But you do not owe anyone anything, and that includes all the people who have helped you throughout your journey.

I recently was speaking to someone about a disagreement my father and I were having.

AND FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME IN MY LIFE I WAS TOLD *in my yelling voice if y’all didn’t catch onto that*

“Well he helped you a lot when you were having your issues”.

 

Okay. We need to get some things cleared up here.

  1. We are going to stop referring to my childhood as anything along the lines of “my issues”
  2. I am not in debt to anyone. Period.

 

Let’s start with #1.

If anyone would like to talk about my past, they can. I am an open book. I have never once lied about what I’m going through or have gone through. Yes there are people who will assume false things, and some people refuse to get to know me to see and learn the truth about me, but if you ask me something I will tell you the truth.

So if you are going to refer to my past, I ask that it’s never referred to ever again as, “when you were having your issues” or anything along those lines. My childhood is my childhood, it is not a time in my past where we need to refer to it as “my issues”. I also wouldn’t change one day of it and am grateful for it so I don’t see it as an issue at all.

I am calm, too calm sometimes…I am zen…usually…unless it involves me getting too emotionally involved in a TV show that is. (Who else heard those rumors about The Office coming back?!)

However I am a human, there is a list of things that will send me threw the roof, and truthfully this is on the list.

Do you know how it makes me feel when people refer to my past as “my issues?” It makes me angry and it makes me feel like shit. It is just another reminder that people who knew me then still view me as that person and that they NEVER saw me as anything but that. So please, PLEASE – my past is NOT a time of “issues”. It’s my childhood. A childhood where I was blessed enough to be given everything by my parents that I could of ever could of asked for, where I was happiest when I was on the softball field or holding a tennis racket, a childhood where I said grace before dinner every night with my family.

I also had anxiety and depression.

They key word there is also.

It seems people have forgotten everything about my past besides my anxiety.

One part of me, one part of my past, doesn’t erase all those other things about me. No one seems to remember when I was all state in tennis in high school, when I was organizing and running wrestling tournaments all by myself bringing in thousands and thousands of dollars to our team, all those hours I spent at the gymnastics gym coaching everyone from ‘Dancing Diapers’ to 18 year old girls. No one seems to remember that I was two weeks old the first time I was on a boat and have always breathed better on the water ever since, or that I was spending 50 hours a week sailing and competing almost every summer of my life.

These things about my past don’t seem to hold value to a lot of peoples memories. They only remember “issues”.

If I were to die today no one would remember me for those things I was doing with my life. I would only be remembered as someone with anxiety.

Looks like I’ll be over here all alone cherishing my childhood while most people look at it as a failure and issue.

My childhood was not an issue. It was blessed.

 

Now on to Number #2.

I am not in debt to the people who helped me with my anxiety and depression.

I am ALWAYS told “well he helped you when you were having your issues” whenever I am talking to someone about a disagreement my father and I are having. It blows my mind…What does that have to do with anything?? So you’re saying I should get the blue car instead of the white one because my father is a great dad who cares about his daughter and didn’t let me die on the side of the street? Or that I should throw away my happiness, throw away my soul and purpose in life, and become a teacher instead of enlisting in the military because I am in debt to him?

No.

I am someone who has amazing – incredibly amazing parents. You don’t need to try to tell me that, I am very well aware of that. Yeah we pretty much agree on nothing – but that doesn’t make them bad parents. It’s something I actually admire about them – if I ever have children I hope I have the strength to raise my children to have the strength to be their own person too, instead of a duplicate of me.

But this life is mine, and I am an adult. I will make my own decisions. I value what people say whether I agree or not, I value their advice, I pray to The Lord about my decisions, and at the end of the day I come to a conclusion. But I am the only one living this life in my mind and body. You have to do what’s best for YOU. I will not feel guilty for that.

And that sure as hell does not mean that I don’t value my father and what he does and has done for me.

I am not in debt.

Do not let anyone ever tell you or try to convince you that you are in debt to someone. People do things out of the kindness of their heart and love – not to make you their slave. If someone is ever using that an excuse to get you to change your mind – leave. Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend who financially or emotionally supported you and are now using that as an excuse to make you make a decision that isn’t healthy for your well being? Don’t put up with that. True, genuine, supportive, and loving people will never hold anything over you. When you love someone endlessly you will happily and eagerly help them and give them all you can – you’ll do everything you can to take care of them and make sure they always feel loved – and they will never, ever, make you feel in debt because of it.

I am a lot of things, and being in debt to people is not one of them.

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